Funnies/Ask Amy

Prefer Boring to Roaring ’20s

Dear Amy: I feel like I’m missing the biggest party in the world. Everyone is so excited about the new “Roaring ’20s,” but I’m not ready to give up on my COVID-cloistered life. Of course, I’m glad COVID is lifting, but I liked being alone and having control. I’m not ready to give up what I’ve had and rush out onto the unknown. Am I missing the fun or just knowing what I like?
– Not Ready

Dear Not Ready: I think one of the things the pandemic taught me is we just become more ourselves when met with a crisis such as this: this from watching cautious, fearful people becoming more anxious and withdrawn to witnessing the always laissez-faire go about their lives as if there wasn’t a lethal, contagious virus hunting us.

I’m pretty certain if we look at patterns in your pre-pandemic life, likely you loved a cancelled plan and preferred a night soaking in your bathtub alone with your thoughts and a book. That can still be you. Pick the special occasions you truly enjoy and can now take advantage of, now that the restrictions are lifting, and don’t feel fomo for a life you were never interested in anyway.

From Having Crush to Crushing It

Dear Amy: Now that COVID is lifting, I’m excited and curious about being social again. I’m a straight guy who’s basically had a crush on hold for months. I fear the “relationship” has progressed in my head but is based more on daydreams than actual, well, anything.

Now it’s go time, I guess. I want to charge out of the gate and engage full bore, and turn this crush into something that involves more mutual crushing.

How do I not come on too strong and gauge where I stand? Any relationship “tells” I should look for once I convince her to have a coffee? We’ve texted that much and a coffee date is pending.
– Beau-Zoh

Dear Beau-Zoh: We have all definitely spent more time in our heads the past year and a half! Obviously, the most important aspect to any exchange of crushing needs to be met with sensitivity to cues and consent. I’ve written about a million songs about two people who dodge vulnerability and avoid intimacy only to be left lonely. I would say being honest is your best bet! Generally, people like being liked, so if you are forthright about your time spent alone thinking only of her, I think you will find out pretty quick if the attraction is reciprocated. Less armour, more amour.

Lack of Vax Fax Causes Stress to Max

Dear Amy: I work in a decent restaurant and am happy be back at work serving—except I don’t trust anybody, and it’s going to make me crazy. I don’t trust my colleagues and I don’t trust my customers.

Everybody should be vaxxed; not everybody will. Some people will say they will if they need to. How will I ever know who is telling the truth? I fear making myself crazy with doubt.
– Serving Anxiety

Dear Serving: YOU are double vaccinated! That right there should lift a lot of your worries! Although you aren’t fully immune, the danger of hospitalization from the deadly Delta is a worry for the unvaccinated. They can’t rub their unvaccinated selves all over you and make you more vulnerable. YOU are protected! Isn’t that wonderful news?!

It will be hard for us to shed our anxieties, as it has been a year and a half of being scared, but the vaccines are truly a miracle. Those antibodies are at work inside of you, and you should know they have your back, no matter what your customers and co-workers do. That’s my highest tip.

How Was Playing Live?

Dear Amy: What was it like to play live again? What was it like to be part of a band again? Just as good? Better? Worse? Different?
– Stars Stock

Dear Stars Stock: BETTER THEN EVER. Nothing taken for granted. Having theatres and clubs shuttered has been heart-wrenching. Being able to sing and connect with people again is everything.

We are a society that thrives by communing, and the arts are at the heart of community. Having my whole band be double vaccinated and being able to thrash about on stage is the best gift this girl could ask for. We walked on stage to “Welcome Back, Kotter”—welcome back, INDEED.

Amy Millan is a Canadian indie rock singer and guitarist. She records and performs with Stars and Broken Social Scene and has a successful solo career.

Have a question for Amy? askamy@nextmag.ca