Funnies/Ask Amy

COVID Conundrum

Dear Amy: Right before Calgary imposed its new coronavirus restrictions, I started seeing this guy. He’s cute, clever and a ton of fun. Except now he’s started roping me into dinner parties with a dozen people, which feels totally irresponsible. I can see this relationship going somewhere, but I’m afraid he’ll dump me if I say anything or stop showing up. What should I do?
– Cornered By Calgary Cutie

Dear Cornered

The pandemic is such a difficult time to navigate. I feel for everyone trying to find love in the time of COVID! That being said, lockdown or not, what is most important from a partner is to know that their utmost concern is that you are comfortable and that there is a constant flow of consent. Even though it may be something as banal as a dinner party, if you are feeling at all distressed and your cute, clever guy isn’t making sure you are at ease and encouraging you to make healthy choices for yourself, that just doesn’t sit right. Don’t be afraid of what might happen if you are honest about feeling in danger, because if he isn’t open to your cues, he might be a ton of fun, but he might also be a ton of trouble.

Bandmate Bummer

Dear Amy: My band hasn’t played a single show this year, so I suggested doing a paid livestream to make a few bucks and remind our fans we exist. Our guitarist refuses to entertain the idea—he says it “degrades our art.” He’s a prima donna, clearly, but he can shred, so none of us wants to kick him out of the band. What do we do?
– Shredder Dreader

Dear Dreader

There are a few options. My band, Stars, has always been a democracy, so generally things come down to a vote, and the person who votes the other way of the majority has to eat it. There have been moments when someone in the band is adamant about their opinion, vote or not, and then it comes down to a matter of respect and understanding of where the person is coming from.

Could you do a pared down livestream without the “shredding” to make a buck and feel like you are doing something during this terrible time for musicians? Then just do it without him. Generally, it’s always best to figure out, as a band, how you are going to make it through conflict, because there will be many more fights and arguments if you stay together. You may also want to change the narrative of “prima donna”—name calling never really worked in my history of being in bands.

Wired But Disconnected

Dear Amy: No matter how many quarantinis I drink with my friends during virtual happy hour, all my online interactions these days feel stunted and shallow. Something about pre-scheduling all my hangouts and seeing everyone on a 13-inch screen hurts my soul and makes me feel even lonelier. What are some new, meaningful ways I can connect with people?
– Disconnected Connector

Dear Disconnected

The screen can be the antithesis of connection. We’ve learned that more than ever these past few months. Why do we all talk so much louder on Zoom? We don’t have a lot of options, sadly, as we have to be patient and stay inside to keep our elderly safe and our hospitals unburdened. Make a plan to walk outside at a distance, sit in the park at a distance. Mask up and go to a friend’s porch with some hot shots and a heated blanket. It’s all we got. We will get through this.

Finding A New Normal

Dear Amy: What is a good way to create and stick to a routine or schedule?
– Scheduling a Schedule

Dear Scheduler

I am certain you are not alone in feeling it’s hard to find a routine in this strange new reality. All semblance of a normal day has been taken away from us by the pandemic. Here we are, trying to completely reroute our lives.

Off the top, a major roadblock to productivity is beating yourself up if you aren’t accomplishing what you think you should be. At the beginning of the pandemic, University of Toronto professor Aisha Ahmad wrote some fantastic essays about productivity pressure and the importance of being soft on ourselves during a global crisis. They’re a great resource.

Another one of my favourite writers, Anne T. Donahue, talked about her own challenges with productivity by hilariously describing the moment as if we were all “treading water in a pool of potatoes.”

Instead of trying to get in a daily routine, maybe you can make some goals: what do you want to accomplish this week, this month, this year even? I also find light meditation and taking time to just sit with myself gives me the motivation afterwards to get to it. I miss so much the routine of exercising with friends, writing in a coffee shop, having a monthly lunch with girlfriends to put life in a bit of perspective—but we will get there again. For now, do what you can each day and don’t forget to be kind to yourself. Empathy makes a lot of room, and in that space, you just might find your daily flow.

Amy Millan is a Canadian indie rock singer and guitarist. She records and performs with Stars and Broken Social Scene and has a successful solo career.

Have a question for Amy? askamy@nextmag.ca