Funnies/Ask Amy

I’ll write a song, but will she listen?

Dear Amy, My high school girlfriend is back in town, and I want to get back together. We initially broke up because her dad didn’t approve of me and caught me sneaking out of her room one night.

Soon after, she moved for college, and we kept in touch even though we weren’t dating anymore.

We’ve both grown a lot since then, and I heard through a mutual friend that she still has feelings for me. I want to write her a song to tell her how I feel. She used to write me songs when we dated, but I have trouble putting my feelings into words.

Any advice? — Return of the feels

Dear Return: Return of the feels! INDEED! This is the kind of romance we binge watch on Netflix! I think writing her a song is brilliant.

OPTIONS:
A: You could take a song you both loved, keep the melody and just tweak the lyrics to make it about the two of you.
B: If you remember or have any of the songs that she wrote for you, you could do a cover of them (the fact that you remembered would make any human swoon).
C: Just have fun. Adam Sandler is pretty great at writing silly heart-wrenching songs that don’t, in any way, need to be perfect but just pull the heartstrings. Planting personal anecdotes that go miles and bloom new feelings. Rewatch The Wedding Singer. Pretty sure this all ends in a kiss. Please update us with a copy of the song!

Recent election bust shakes voter’s trust

Dear Amy: I wanted something new in this election, and the party I voted for didn’t win. Nothing changed, the country is more divided and I’m wondering, “What was the point?” Makes me want to give up on the whole process. Shouldn’t I just tune out and save my sanity? Really, what was the point? — Feeling Frustrated

Dear Frustrated: I feel you, Frustrated. I, too, have these queries. Could this election just have been an email? Could the $600 million it cost to have this election instead be directed towards clean water for Indigenous communities, the fight against climate change, UBI, the arts sector — which has been decimated by the pandemic — and thousands of other issues that need money thrown at it? Probably.

And yet only 60 per cent of Canadians actually came out to vote! Imagine if the entire country had participated and handed in their vote? I bet we would have seen a tremendously different outcome if all the young people had made their voices heard.

To be honest, I find democracy pretty sexy, and when I have that pencil in my hand and I make an X beside the person I think will do the best job out of the list, whether my person wins or not means I am active in the society I want to build.

Don’t give up on democracy — imagine the alternative. When I feel super grim, I do look to the women in that country to the south of us who worked so tirelessly and strictly grassroots to get elected. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortezand, Rashida Tlaib and Illhan Omar are an inspiration in politics, maybe you will continue this kind of inspiring politics on our side north, Feeling Frustrated!

Vax fax flap forces dialing down desire

Dear Amy: I recently went on a date with someone I really like. They casually dropped that they’re not vaxxed (not health condition-related). It was super awkward and I left not long after. I don’t want to end things, I liked everything else about the date, but I also feel uncomfortable about this situation and worried the entire time. What should I do? — Vax Scene

Dear Vax: People we love who don’t want to get vaccinated — what to do? This is the hardest thing to navigate at this juncture of the never-ending strange times we find ourselves in. It wasn’t something I imagined I would ever have to manoeuvre emotionally.

I will say you are about to be quite limited in where you will be able to go on dates if you continue. You won’t be able to go out for dinner together, see a concert, a movie, a theatre show or travel on a plane together.

You think you feel awkward now, wait until you want to introduce your new paramour to friends or family at a gathering that demands the vaccine passport. Or even at a private gathering, disclosing that your friend is not vaccinated seems most ethical, but the fallout of that could be disastrous and embarrassing.

Perhaps it is an opportunity to try to sway your new friend to science and the true wonder of how vaccines are working at keeping people out of the ICU and the beauty of the science.

I do believe in empathy, and you can reveal your discomfort from a place of love while also noting the reality of where we are and how impossible it will be to move forward without fear if your friend continues to refuse the vaccine — a privilege in our developed world. As a free-will advice columnist, my advice is: ultimately you hold the power of choice between chemistry and science.

Can I manage a music career with no manager?

Dear Amy: In a DIY world, do I even need a manager? Our band is three years old, we were booking our own gigs in Toronto and southern Ontario before the pandemic.

Reaching out again now, we can make all our connections on our computers. What do managers know that we don’t know? Don’t they get my money for nothing? Aren’t they always the bad guys in rockumentaries? — On My Own

Dear OMO: Loreena McKennitt would agree with you! She has built her empire without record labels or management and has done it all herself. It’s a whole other set of skills, discipline and focus.

Basically there are two kinds of managers: ones that “carry water” — meaning they really help with the administrative stuff, tour planning and online rollout — and the other kind you hire for their connections. Those kind of managers help you get TV spots and into the orbit of mainstream awards and media.

However, it is a whole new world out there now, and a Tik Tok kid can become a sensation overnight. With young people finding their music through so many different platforms, some of that old stuff is for the dinosaurs. Personally, my band has self-managed for the past five years. We have great publicists and a loyal booking agent. We have our touring team and we hire a person on an as-needed basis for announcement rollouts. It’s working for us and can be stressful and nerve-wracking, but knowing we only have ourselves to rely on and equally only ourselves to blame is very satisfying.

The biggest danger in taking it all on yourself is if it starts to erode the creative process. Try to make sure you leave yourself enough time between the calls and apps to make the art you love.

Amy Millan is a Canadian indie rock singer and guitarist. She records and performs with Stars and Broken Social Scene and has a successful solo career.

Have a question for Amy? askamy@nextmag.ca