Screens

Where: In theatres
What: Movie, 127 mins.
When: Now
Genre: Mystery/Crime
Why you should watch: This film has all the hallmarks of a classic Poirot mystery: glamorous locale, star-studded cast, death-defying intrigue and emotion in spades. It might suffer from special-effects overdose and a slightly lethargic ensemble cast, but the suspenseful whodunit holds up regardless.

IS IT POSSIBLE for a film to age poorly before it even comes out? Kenneth Branagh’s glossy Hercule Poirot caper makes a strong case for it. Death on the Nile is more an unrealized film than an actually poor one, but unfortunately for Branagh, a great deal of his cast — Letitia Wright, Gal Gadot and, of course, the genuinely disgusting Armie Hammer — spent the time since the film wrapped becoming some of the most hated people in Hollywood. This is genuinely unfortunate for the film and surely played a part in dulling its sparkle; Armie Hammer’s leading role was noticeably slimmed down in post-production and just isn’t left with enough substance to justify the flurries of passion that surround his sexpot character.

Despite this, Death on the Nile is undeniably fun. Unlike most films that are released right now, it’s the perfect length — after a slightly dragged-out first quarter, the film grips you until its finish. Branagh self-directs as the witty, endlessly clever Poirot and imbues him with a tragic multidimensionality that’s far and away the best performance of the movie. The star-studded cast includes a few other wonderful performances, too, very notably including Sex Education’s Emma Mackey as the film’s resident spurned lover.

It’s almost a shame that Mackey is so often on screen with co-star Gal Gadot — her talent throws Gadot’s lack of subtlety or charm in stark relief. Gadot unfortunately gives one of the worst performances of her career as the heiress Linnet Ridgeway-Doyle; there are times in the film where her bizarre delivery and stilted attempts at emotion make me legitimately laugh out loud. One of her lines in this movie ‑  “… and enough champagne to fill the Nile!” — is so ridiculous that it’s spawned a niche TikTok trend mocking its almost Tommy Wiseau-esque cadence.

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The film wasn’t shot on location, and its over-reliance on sleek special effects ironically makes it seem somewhat cheap. Gadot aside, though, the film is worth a watch, particularly if you don’t know the ending yet: The whodunit twist is sharp enough to be shocking but not impossible for the watcher to deduce themselves, and the film plays with themes of love and loss with tear-jerking tenderness (again, largely thanks to Branagh’s five-star performance). Overall, it’s an exciting, unserious flick that’s perfect for a lazy weekend afternoon.